You are a Lover to be Loved

You believe that a lover will bring you love, but it is your love that will bring you a lover.
- Alan Cohen

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Who doesn't want someone to love?

Although that's not REALLY the case.  People don't want someone to love.  People want someone to love THEM.

That's the real truth of the matter.  We want someone who does and says the right thing all the time and makes us feel special and worthy and loved.  In the face of such loving, we agree, in turn, to love them back.

However, if they fail to lift us up and "love" us the way we want, we will withhold our love from them and blame them for our bad feelings.

This is not love.

This is fear.

Fear of not being lovable.  Fear that I'm not worthy of the love that I seek.  Because I hate me.  I'm not beautiful enough or smart enough or worthy enough, so please, PLEASE love me so that I may feel loved, because without you, I am unloved, by even myself.

Have you ever loved someone, romantically or other, and all they ever did was put themselves down?  Talk about how unworthy they are.  Or pick out traits they have and question their validity or beauty or lovability.  

No one wants to spend all their time trying convince someone of their own worthiness.  And when someone doesn't value themselves, it's glaringly obvious to anyone who is around them.

If you want to attract a lover, you must first be your own lover.

When you dress your body, do so kindly and lovingly.  When you speak of yourself, do so kindly and lovingly.  We are so kind and loving to so many that surround us, yet when it comes to ourselves we are brutally judgmental and mean.

If you believe that is what you deserve, even from yourself, then why would anyone ever treat you differently that that?

In order to cultivate loving relationships with other people, you have to have already cultivated a loving relationship with yourself.  You are, after all, an entire HALF of all future relationships.  How can a whole relationship be loving and healthy if only half is?  It's totally contradictory.

Lovers are attracted to lovers.

Go out and love.  Love your life and your family and your job and your car and your clothes and your body and yourself and and and and and.

LOVE IT ALL!

For when you do, the Universe cannot help but to love you in return.  Those who love are deeply attracted to those who love.

You are a lover to be loved, so love you!  The rest will fall into place.

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Great Titles by Alan Cohen

A Deep Breath of Life

A Daily Dose of Sanity
A Five-Minute Soul Recharge for Every Day of the Year

Why Your Life Sucks
And What You Can do About it

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