- Buddha
I've been wrestling with my gossip muscle lately. I want to stop talking about people, a feat easier said than done. But I am doing my best, and I talk a little less every day.
This lesson is carrying over to my son.
He found himself in a situation at school the other day. He watched a girl pull another girl's cell phone out of her coat pocket, stare at it in surprise, and then say, "This is *whats-her-name's* phone... (insert confused look) What should I do with it?"
My son and the other girl present both agreed that she should give it to their teacher, and she did. She was spotted by the phone owner as she was walking toward the teacher, and the girl promptly threw a tremendous fit, jumping up and down and screaming that "So-and-So" had stolen her phone.
Later that day, at home, my son was telling the tale and said that the teacher told him he would likely have to speak with the principal tomorrow and relay what he'd witnessed. He sat here telling me that So-and-So is a "mean girl" and likes to get in people's coat pockets and turn their phones on (there's a rule against having your phone on in school) and then secretly call them from HER phone so they get in trouble.
This also isn't the first time her phone has ended up in someone elses pocket having been "stolen."
Then he starts telling me how he's going to tell the principal all these nasty things.
We ended up having quite a lengthy conversation about how just because he has suspicions about something doesn't make it so... And how would you feel if you said all those things and it turned out that it wasn't her at all, but someone else trying to set her up?
"You're going to be asked what you saw," I said, "and what you SAW is what you tell... period. If you don't see it with your eyes, then don't see it with your mouth."
He was a little upset by that concept because he's VERY uncomfortable with what appears to be happening, so I drove the idea home a little more by saying, "How would you feel if someone THOUGHT you did something, and got you in trouble? Most people won't remember that you were innocent after investigation. Most people will only remember the accusation. Would you like to be labeled according to something bad that someone assumed about you once that wasn't even TRUE?"
Then we talked about kindness.
"When asked what you saw, you say what you saw. That doesn't include what you think or feel about it. Don't relay that you think she's mean or sneaky or underhanded. Those are not facts, they're just unkind things to say. You're not being asked your opinion of her actions or personality. You're being asked what you SAW. If you go and run off at the mouth about what a JERK someone is, that only states plainly that YOU are a jerk."
I think he got it. At 11, it's a tough concept to grasp. But over the past week, that sentence has REALLY taken root in our house...
If you don't see it with your eyes, don't see it with your mouth.
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