A Dysfunctional Defense

Whenever anyone has offended me, I try to raise my soul so high that the offense cannot reach it.
– Rene Descartes

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It's funny how there's satisfaction in being offended.  It doesn't seem like there'd be anything to gain by being put down emotionally, and yet there is a whole world of self righteous indignation in it.

It gives us a chance to not only make ourselves "right," but also a chance to make someone else "wrong."

And what could feel better than making someone else out to be a total jerk?  I mean, look what they did to you!

But that's the thing.  They didn't ACTUALLY do ANYTHING to you.

Offense is a false construct of the ego.  The ego is endlessly obsessed with being better than others.  The ego is the part of us that sees us as separate from each other and from God.  Without that distinct acknowledgment of separation, the ego cannot exist.  And what could be scarier than not existing?

The truth is...

Everything and anything that anyone will ever or has ever done or said to you was 100% about THEM and THEIR ego and THEIR perception and thoughts.  It has nothing to do with you.  Not  One  Thing!

If I say I don't like Jane.  Jane is a bitch.  Does that make Jane a bitch?  Not hardly.  Actually, it sorta makes ME a bitch.

But what if Jane IS a bitch?  She's done mean things to me and said mean things to me and she IS a bitch!!

Let's assume Jane is my age, which makes her in her early 30s.  How many moments in time has Jane occupied?  How many deeds must she have preformed over her 30+ years.  How many things she must've said to so many countless people.

Yet here I sit, completely judging poor Jane based upon only a couple deeds or words that would amount to a drop of experience in a bucket full of life lived.

Should Jane take offense to my calling her a bitch?  No, of course not.  What I know of Jane, even if I've known her for her entire life, amounts to almost nothing.

But WILL she take offense?  Probably.

She would probably come clawing back at me with a loud, resounding denial of her bitchdom, and a distinct accusation of my own.  And then there we'd stand, in opposition to each other, fingers pointed, insisting that "You are BAD and I am GOOD!  You are WRONG and I am RIGHT!"

Does that make me good and right?  No.  Does that make HER good or right?  Nope.

Does it make us feel better about ourselves to throw around such accusations at each other?  You bet it does!

But why?  If thinking it and feeling it and saying it DOESN'T make it true in any way, then why does it feel so GOOD?!?!

Because we already believe those "bad" things about ourselves, and in the finger pointing, we are "proving" our righteousness to ourselves.  When we defend ourselves against the accusations of others, we're not thinking about any of the less than gracious things we've done and said.  We're only thinking about how GOOD we are and how BAD they are.

But if Jane knew who she REALLY is, she wouldn't give a hoot about the dysfunctional thoughts of ego and separation inside of my head.  She would understand that she is a divine child of God who is sublime in her creation and is untouchable by any words I may spit at her.

She would rise above my judgments knowing that I am only judging her based upon things I am terrified are real in ME.  And that by attempting to amplify those things in her, I assuage my own ego and assure it that the evil I see in her cannot be inside of me, fore I can clearly see it "out there" and in her.

The greatest gift you can ever give yourself is to know, beyond a doubt, who you REALLY are, and to understand that you are forever untouchable until you make the decision to be touched.  But you will never need to allow the accusations of others to touch you because in the knowing of who you really are, you relinquish the need to defend yourself against the dysfunctional thoughts of others.

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Great Titles by Rene Descartes 

Discourse on Method
Meditations on Philosophy

Meditations and Other Metaphysical Writings

Descartes
A Biography

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Do Unto Yourself

Too many people are living in a prison that they have themselves manufactured.
- Dr. Michael Bernard Beckwith
 

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Your mind is given to you as a tool.  It is very useful indeed.  It allows you to contemplate and reason.  It allows you to plan and remember.

It also allows you to imprison yourself, held captive by shame and regret.  Beaten down by your own thoughts and rendered immobile in a belief that you are an undeserving failure.

Every time you beat yourself up, you cast another iron bar in your self imposed prison.  Every time you believe that little voice in your head that says unkind things, you allow demons to rule your world.

Imagine your child making a mistake and verbally abusing themselves for it.  As a parent, you would immediately rush in explaining that mistakes are just mistakes.  In short, shit happens.  But we all move forward and just intend to do better next time.

Why is that so hard to believe about ourselves?

Why do we believe that we should never slip up?  Why do we deny our human-ness.  Why do we understand and accept with grace and kindness, the mistakes of others while belittling and blaming ourselves?

I believe in the golden rule which says, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."  And I believe that generally speaking, we DO.

However, I think a more useful and accurate rule for the advancement of our own humanity and self love would be to "Do unto yourself as you do unto others."

Give yourself the same kindness and understanding as you do to others.  Don't berate yourself.  Don't hate yourself.  Any being that acts out in negatively perceived ways only does so out of fear.

Why would you bully someone who is afraid?

If you're disappointed in yourself, vow to change.  Vow to do better.  Vow to BE better.

But no one ever felt inspired to be MORE because they were bullied or belittled into it.  LOVE is what inspires.  Love is what transcends the mind and the mind made demons.

All you need is love.






The Beatles on Amazon.com

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Great Titles by Dr. Michael Bernard Beckwith  

Life Visioning

Spiritual Liberation

Inspirations of the Heart

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You are a Lover to be Loved

You believe that a lover will bring you love, but it is your love that will bring you a lover.
- Alan Cohen

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Who doesn't want someone to love?

Although that's not REALLY the case.  People don't want someone to love.  People want someone to love THEM.

That's the real truth of the matter.  We want someone who does and says the right thing all the time and makes us feel special and worthy and loved.  In the face of such loving, we agree, in turn, to love them back.

However, if they fail to lift us up and "love" us the way we want, we will withhold our love from them and blame them for our bad feelings.

This is not love.

This is fear.

Fear of not being lovable.  Fear that I'm not worthy of the love that I seek.  Because I hate me.  I'm not beautiful enough or smart enough or worthy enough, so please, PLEASE love me so that I may feel loved, because without you, I am unloved, by even myself.

Have you ever loved someone, romantically or other, and all they ever did was put themselves down?  Talk about how unworthy they are.  Or pick out traits they have and question their validity or beauty or lovability.  

No one wants to spend all their time trying convince someone of their own worthiness.  And when someone doesn't value themselves, it's glaringly obvious to anyone who is around them.

If you want to attract a lover, you must first be your own lover.

When you dress your body, do so kindly and lovingly.  When you speak of yourself, do so kindly and lovingly.  We are so kind and loving to so many that surround us, yet when it comes to ourselves we are brutally judgmental and mean.

If you believe that is what you deserve, even from yourself, then why would anyone ever treat you differently that that?

In order to cultivate loving relationships with other people, you have to have already cultivated a loving relationship with yourself.  You are, after all, an entire HALF of all future relationships.  How can a whole relationship be loving and healthy if only half is?  It's totally contradictory.

Lovers are attracted to lovers.

Go out and love.  Love your life and your family and your job and your car and your clothes and your body and yourself and and and and and.

LOVE IT ALL!

For when you do, the Universe cannot help but to love you in return.  Those who love are deeply attracted to those who love.

You are a lover to be loved, so love you!  The rest will fall into place.

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Great Titles by Alan Cohen

A Deep Breath of Life

A Daily Dose of Sanity
A Five-Minute Soul Recharge for Every Day of the Year

Why Your Life Sucks
And What You Can do About it

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Embracing Changes

There are forces at work in your psyche which you cannot control.
They belong to a deeper and wiser part of yourself.
Sometimes it is essential to change an aspect of your life.
This is often the case if you are in a situation which is wrong for you or stagnating. If you resist change, your unconscious wisdom may give you a push by causing a disturbance in your life.
The shock you experience may therefore be a way of forcing necessary change on you.
– Sarah Dening

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 Change is the only real constant in our lives.  Energy is always in motion.

When we resist change, all we do is create discomfort for ourselves. We are always growing, and our perception is always changing.  When we try to remain steadfast in out perceptions when they're urging us to see differently, it creates pain.

When we go with the flow, and roll with the changes, and make the best of each situation while looking for solutions and comfort, we create an empowered and happy life for ourselves.

When we sit tight, insisting that we know everything, and we've reached our end, life tends to get more and more choppy around us.  Choppy and uncomfortable until our situation forces us into action and change.

Then once we change, our world levels out, and we find that peace and happiness again.  Even if only temporarily.  But our happiness is only temporary in this life model because we base our happiness upon our situation and circumstances.

Embracing the fact that life IS change creates an everlasting happiness that isn't dependent upon circumstances.  Knowing that change is ever coming toward you enables you to see your options and choose, instead of digging your heels in and refusing to move.

Change is exciting.  It's exhilarating to have endless options and choices, and the power to pick and choose and create.

Embrace your power to choose and change.  You have a guidance system inside of you to guide.  Allow it to show you the way.  It will never steer you wrong.

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Great Titles by Sarah Dening

The Everyday I Ching

The Mythology of Sex
Am Illustrated Explorant

Healing Dreams
How to Interpret Your Dream and Change Your Life

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Intending Unseen Miracles

When you embrace uncertainty and include intention and detachment,
then the most improbable happens. That’s what we call a miracle.
– Deepak Chopra

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Embrace uncertainty.  Knowing that even though you don't know what's going to happen, you can handle it and it's going to lead you somewhere great.

Include intention.  Knowing what you want to get out of the situation personally, no matter how it presents itself.

Detachment.  Being open to any way that God presents your intention in manifested form.  Not putting limits on the Universe because you believe things have to look or appear in a specific way.

All these things leave possibility WIDE open for us, and God creates miracles in ways we never would have imagined.  When you don't put limitations on yourself or God, the world, in its entirety, is at your complete disposal.

Fear not the unknown.  It is only opportunity waiting for you to allow it to unfold.

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Great Titles by Deepak Chopra

The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success

The Ultimate Happiness Prescription

The Spontaneous Fulfillment of Desire

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To Create, Not Change What's Wrong

In struggling against anguish one never produces serenity; the struggle against anguish only produces new forms of anguish.
– Simone Weil

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This reminds me of Mother Teresa who declined to join a march against war stating that if they organized a march FOR PEACE, she'd be there.

We cannot make "bad" things stop or go away.  We CAN, however, make "good" things start or come closer.

This is a Universe of inclusion.  That means that all things are included.  If you're focused upon it, it will expand.

So, don't go out your door determined to STOP WAR.  Go out your door intending to bring peace.

Don't try to STOP DISEASE.  Instead, bring health.

Our life here is about creation.  We are creators.  It's what we do.

Now, knowing this, I want you to try to create "stop," or "don't," or "no."  You can't do it.  You simply cannot create those things.  What you will create is whatever subject comes after those words.

You will never create "stop hurting me" but you CAN create "love me."

The next time you feel like something's just not going the way you want it to, stop and consider what you want to create.  Not what IS or what shouldn't be or what you wish wasn't.... What do you WANT.

And then, for me at least (because I'm ALL about the higher power working through you), I ask for help from God.

God, please help me bring ____ into my life for the highest good of All.  Help me be this change and create joy and peace with it.  Thank you for all the wonderful blessings in my life.  I am eternally grateful and in love with it all.  Amen.

Don't ever pray; God, please make this stop.  God please take this away.  God please change what's wrong.
God wants to know what's RIGHT and what's GOOD and where your GRATITUDE is.  Whatever you're praying is assumed to be all those things.

Don't tell God his creations are wrong or unworthy or hated.  Just pour your blessings upon what is RIGHT and WONDERFUL, even if you can't see it all right now.

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Great Titles by Simone Weil

Waiting for God

Simone Weil: An Anthology

Gravity and Grace

 

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Courageous You

One of the most courageous things you can do is identify
yourself, know who you are, what you believe in, and where
you want to go.
– Sheila Murray Bethel

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This is a courageous thing to do because it's one of the HARDEST to complete when you want to change.

It can be scary to know that you're not who you once were.  You've changed.  But everyone around you is the same.  They talk the same and think the same and act the same as they always did, only now.... you don't.

I've found, personally, that when I've changed and continued spending time with the "old" friends, my change cannot complete itself.  I'm only different when I'm alone.  Then I'd get around those old friends and easily and unconsciously I would slip right back into the old me.

It's hard to maintain a conscious change when you spend time around people that bring out the unconscious you.

It'd be like if you made a decision to quit drinking alcohol, but continued going to a tavern and hanging out with alcoholic friends.  How long do you think you'd continue to not drink?

Probably not very long.

When I decided I wanted to put less processed food into my body and more fresh, organic food, it was hard to BE that change.  I rawked the organics at home, but then I'd get around other people, and I didn't want to come off stuck up or anything, so I would just eat whatever was put in front of me.

Now, I don't.  Now, I make the same choices when out with friends as I make when I'm at home.  I'm not embarrassed or apologetic.  I won't be made to feel bad about making healthy choices for my body.  I choose me.  I choose my health.

It takes courage to know who you are and to move in the direction you want to go, especially when it means leaving behind some places and people.  It's important though.  It's who you are.

God gave you a song to sing, and you should sing it!  Don't let naysayers keep your song bottled up inside.  They're only naysayers because they don't accept who THEY are and are too afraid to BE themselves.  They want you to be just like them, but don't.

Decide who you want to be, and be You instead.

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Great Titles by Sheila Murray Bethel 

A New Breed of Leader
8 Leadership Qualities that Matter Most in the Real World

From Success to Significance

Making a Difference
12 Qualities that Make You a Leader

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When Without, Go Within

You always carry within yourself the very thing that you need for the fulfillment of your life purpose.
– Malidoma Some

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A great reminder as we cruise into 2011.

Everything you need for the fulfillment of your purpose is already within you.  There's nothing you need to find or acquire.  It's all right there, inside you.

You were made perfect and complete.

Just as an acorn contains everything it needs within it to become the mighty oak, you contain everything you need to become the mighty you.

All you really need to do is acknowledge that it's there, within you, and ask it to come forward and reveal itself to you.  Then just wait until some synchronicity smacks you in the face, or until you feel suddenly inspired to move in one direction or another.

The best gift you can give yourself is to stop looking outside of yourself for fulfillment and look within.

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Great Titles by Malidoma Some

Of Water and the Spirit
Ritual, Magic, and Initiation in the Life of an African Shaman

Ritual
Power, Healing and Community

La Avot Sheli
(Music Download)

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Enraptured Bliss

People say that what we’re all seeking is a meaning for
life. I don’t think that’s what we’re really seeking. I think
that what we’re seeking is an experience of being alive. . .
so that we actually feel the rapture of being alive.
– Joseph Campbell

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I believe this is true.

I notice in my own experience, the drive to find meaning isn't half as strong as the drive to live. And I'm not talking about a survival instinct.  I'm talking about that heart pounding, adrenaline rushing, excited to be alive feeling.

I got that feeling when I started learning to play piano a few months ago.  I felt like it was a worthwhile endeavor and it made me feel alive.

It made me feel like I wanted to take the next step and see what's around the corner.  It made me feel like I wasn't just wasting space, but that I was creating a ripple.  A ripple of enjoyment and happiness that would silently transit through all of my life as a stone through the whole of a pond.

And it wasn't a skydiving adrenaline rush.  Or a heart pounding experience.

I was simply VERY excited about it.  I have wanted to play the piano since I was maybe 4, standing in the church, playing on the piano while waiting for my Gram (the treasurer) to do her stuff.  I always longed to make the beautiful sound that the piano player made during the church service, but a silly rendition of "Chop-Sticks" is all I could ever manage.

It felt fulfilling to sit down on the bench, before the ivories and make them tinkle out beautiful tones.  I could sit and simply play the scale of every note over and over for hours, lost in both the sound that carries and the silence between each note.

Enraptured.  Alive.

Where is your bliss?  Have you found it?  Or at the very least, SOME of it?

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Great Titles by Joseph Campbell

The Power of Myth

Reflections on the Art of Living

Pathways to Bliss
Mythology and Personal Trasformation

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